my last day email at Intel.

Dear All,

It is my last working day at Intel. I don’t want to copy or forward any last day emails J. So forgive my syntactic and semantic mistakes. I have to type really quick. Read it at your leisure J.

My personal Id: shashankatr@gmail.com

Mobile number: 9880917669

Please keep in touch.

First of all, Whatever I am today is because of three companies I worked for: Sasken, Infineon, Comneon and Intel. Good part about it, I not only carried the culture from these companies but the people as well. Same set of friends, same coffee sessions, same discussions. That much continuity.  That much longtime friends. I am extremely lucky to have such friends in this industry. Selfless, entertaining, and caring. I am grateful to all of them.

It is not only about the legacy after all. It is about the new friends we make as well. Starting from less experienced colleagues to much experienced. New friends I have made. They never forget to smile back at me. The care they show. After all we cherish the lighter happier moments and we want to be with people who make us happy J. I am going to miss all these people in my life.

My Nuremberg colleagues are more friends than colleagues. I have such a good rapport with all of them. Seniors like Hans, Kurt, Mark and Wloka have answered my silliest questions with lot of patience. I have learnt a lot from these people. Dedication, Smart work, Quality, Patience and Sustenance. I want to thank Marc Greis, my manager while I was a contractor in Comneon. For Trusting me and giving Quantum enhancements. It changed the course of my life. Fledrich Thomas, the ever motivating manager.

I would also like to mention special thanks to Niraj Maheshwari for the person he is. Calculative Risk taking, for the good manager he is. He has a big part too in my life’s events.

A special thanks to my mentor, manager Rudrakshi for being more of a friend than manager.

I would also like to thank my manager Arvind Purohit for constant constructive feedback. It really improved me as a person.

It’s been 9 long years where I am breathing, eating, drinking protocol stack. Starting from AT+CGDCONT implementation which was my first work package to SMS retransmission implementation to LTE J. The only satisfaction I have is I have never let anyone down and raised my hand that I cannot do this. I took everything as a challenge and have given my best. I remember one of my colleague saying now “Muh main tho koyi bhi Kheer bana saktha hain, Banaake tho dekho” J. So you should actually make the Kheer to know the difficulties J.

Saying goodbye to anything you've done that long is hard. It is really hard. WWID: 11366283 born on June 1st 1983 is signing off.  I would no more be working in protocol stack. I plan to start some new venture nowhere related to telecom. J.

I was lucky to work with friendly and reliable team members in our team but also so many others across the rest of our sites .

I wish you all success in your careers , and most of all , continued good health  .

If you still have time, You can read few instances I wanted to tell.

[1] Milk Vendor story:

      When I shifted to new rented house, there was a guy who was around 25 year old who was supplying milk for 6 months. On 7^th month, he started taking a 16 year old kid daily with him and he used to

      show the process and houses who are subscribed to him. I was thinking, isn’t it a waste, the 16 year old guy simply coming in another bike following this guy, fuel waste. He did it for 2 months.

      On the 3^rd month, 25 year old guy is no more seen. He is distributing milk in the next area and the 16 year old guy my residential area. Making new avenues is important than doing the same thing again

      and again.

[2] Imagination multiplies joy whereas Expectation does not.

      Leaving mind freely is an art and should be tried often. For example, while stuck in traffic jam instead of cribbing I am on bike, this hot sun Is scorching me. Play a mind game, inspite of having so many  

      buses, lorries, cars, since I am on bike I can sneak through so easily through traffic. Am I the sand particle, the other vehicles-  Stones. The very imagination brings joy. So Imagine, Imagine, Imagine.

      No expectation. Wear a smile. Life seems to be easy. J

[3] Risk Taking

       Many a times, we hear managers saying follow the process, customers will close the project if we err. But I feel risk taking is necessary to stand out. Even the customer is taking risk J.

       The cab I take in the morning, driver is so rash. He Drives that tempo traveller(bus) like a bike. He takes any possible route, sneaks through two buses, not willing to stop. Isn’t he risky. Yes. He is.

       But I am travelling in the cab driven by him for 6 months now. I expect daily that he would hit someone or jump off from flyover but he has had not a single scratch on the vehicle until now. He is

       taking risk because he is confident about what he is doing. He has the control over the bus.

       Should we all take risks. I feel yes a calculated amount of risk is needed. J

Anyway Too long email. Sorry for that.

Thanks and best Regards,

Shashank

Baanu Kempadanthe..Gaali Impaadanthe..

Writing a Blog after so long....Hmmm where to start?? what to tell?? Lots of changes in my life...I was a guy who was a kid embodied in this huge physical mass.... The emotions, feelings were not so serious...They were so fluttery as the leaves being carried away by wind...Now I am slowly moving to a committed phase.. Where I need to think not about me ..BUt its about us..Its about family..Its me, my partner ,my parents, my sisters... The kiddish thoughts are being replaced by rather serious thoughts..Thoughts about life...I feel more matured now...Rather being made matured by these responsibilities...





Today is my cousin Kavya's marriage in Tirthahalli....When I think about a girls life..I really feel great from the bottom of my heart...How she gets married and the same day..she goes to her husband's house...which is such a strange place...She does not know anyone there...A new culture..A new home..New faces....New road..New air..New water...Its like someone is being sent onsite..To a strange place....and you have to be there for your lifetime...All you can do is visit your home land for sometime... Horrible isn't it?? ....Sick!!!





Some good thing to read and love:


--------------------------------------


I kept my head up high,and then you came my way.I have been hurt so many times.My heart filled with so much pain.but now that pain has gone away.For I have found a place I want to be.This place I see is with you.For in your arms I have felt and seen,a wonderful feeling that I cannot believe.A safe haven in your arms just for me.Now I give my heart to you.For my heart believes in you my love....You remain my angel and I feel that I must,tell you that within you, you have my trust.My love is the tide, your soul is the shores,you have my heart, do I have yours? I'll belong to you till the very end,and you will forever stay as my lover and friend.It has been so good like this from the start,so darling please, trust me with your heart.





A dream :


===============


At night I love watching you sleep, hearing you take each breath, and feeling your heart beat with the palm of my hand... reality hits that you are not a dream YOU ARE MINE.........I would love the way you would wrap your arms around me and hold me really tight, like there is no ....And I would love the way I would feel when your lips barely touch mine for a kiss, the love and emotions that go through me at that moment are unexplainable...I love your laugh,,...I love hearing your voice..I love that you get along with my family and friend, no matter how much you dislike them, or who they are...And hearing you tell me your stories, you could tell them to me a thousand times, and I will never get tired of them, because they are a part of you.........Thanks for loving me so much...





And by the way her name is Sujanya...She is the love of my life...Whose voice solaces me ...where I find peace..I am madly in love with her...





So much to write....I am late for my cab...But should try to blog regularly..

Bhaanu kempadanthe..Gaali Impaadanthe..

Taaja anuraaga shuruvaaguve lakshanave...

Love,

Shashank

A blog after Re-incarnation

Updating my blog after a long long time. Giving a sneak shot of my life here..A tour to Hogenakkal falls,..A trek to Kumaraparvatha..A road trip to Melukote..Joined new company (STericsson)....House construction almost completed...Entry of long awaited love to my life..Going to be my life's partner .... and ...Joined SRKs Hating club.....Life has changed big time in the last six months....Taking the twists and turns...Ups and downs..Crash landing..When good is not heard or known it is pushed away into oblivion. But goodness remains and shall always remain to express its exquisite qualities for those that understand its value...May be I am good to survive....I am back..

I am feeling as if I have lost my writing skills...Good thing is I have started writing..Its just like premonsoon rains..Monsoon is yet to come ..The drops in the black mammoth clouds...Waiting to be bursted and storm ...and stories will be elaborated.....Till then...

Loads of Love,
Shashank

The days of terrible pain..The days of heart getting separated from body..

Updating my blog after such a long long time..Have got lots to say....Lot of things happened..few I can mention...Few will remain forever with me in the graveyard...

I have named by blog aptly...I believe..The days when heart gets separated from body...The pain....Its really worth experiencing....Thanks for the girl who made me witness this pain in this lifetime...


haah one of my creation:
-------------------------
Maradha tumbella Hasiru haradi , preethiya tangaali yelli haayagi iruvanthe...Besigeya bisi bisi bege preethiyannu sudalendhe jhalisidhaaga....Iniyanadha maravu shakti kaledhukondeethendhu eleyu thanna iniyanige praana samarpisi...Thannanne apriskondithu....Nelakke biddha eleyu thaanu kshitisi mannali berethu sathvavaagi..Mathe maravanne seri...Preethiya chaitanyavaagi maradalli mathe haridhu...Olavina vasantha moodisidhe......Antheye naa yene aadharu, enthe iddharu nanneee usiru olavu ella ninage samarpitha....yaava roopadalladharu nannee hrudaya ninanne bayassuthadhe...ninagaage badiyuthadhe...Ninnee preethiyalli naa madidhu mannannu seridharu , hoovaagi arali ninna mudiyannu seruva hambala...illave nee nadiva haadhiyalli hullaagi ninna paadha dadiyelli ninage novagadanthe kaapaduva hambala...Nannee preethiyu nishkalanka..nirmala..



Today I want to explain few things about love and how girl reacts in two cases.

First case:
-----------
First day we see each other...we greet each other with a smile...Hi.my name is blah blah..girls says sweetly but a bit seriously..hi I am blah blah....thats it...that day boy cannot do anything..wanting for more..wanting to get into the belly of conversation..the boy will be dying..,For Girl, yes a new follower is added to my ever growing list..I am the supreme..I am the soooooper cool girl...with her linked list of boys without terminated by NULL...In one interview someone asked me..can you give me a linked list example with out a NULL at the end..my answer was the same...for which I was not selected in the interview..:)...So next day..the girl is getting bored on her way to office or at office...a mail comes...Hi....Boy is gone..boy is floored...with all the hopes put onto a lamp like the olympics one..he ignites his love story...The olympics starts here....The race between life and death..the race where there are competitors , spectators, critics..and the trophy itself(the girl)......Boy replies back with all the respect..Hi, have u watched movie Mungaaru male..I love all the songs in it..especially...the title track ..Mungaaru male...Oh my god allwa ree...Girls reply within milliseconds..Yes ree..its an awesome song...Do you have lyrics for that?? Boy without realising his life is going to be like that one day..sends the lyrics and discuss how painful that song is and all...story continues..next day while replying to the 100th mail in that mail chain..can I have your mobile number will be saddist guys question? for which girl already would have stored a reply in draft..yes take it..its 99********...Boy joins gym..starts pumping up his muscles...Start buying new clothes...to impress...even girl would be doing the same on the other end..buying some good stuffs to show off to that guy...The sad story starts....chain khoya..neendh khoya...and khoya khoya...So he stops eating...he stops sleeping..he cant do anything..While riding bike he would be missing the text messages which will be vibrating with all the force inside his pant...Reminding him of the girls face projected on to the helmet screen..He stops somewhere..replies to one of them..Miss you karke, want to see you and all...The whole life becomes a concentration camp..where he is dying to get something..which he should not get...He keeps on messaging..Girl sends her first snap to his personal mail Id..Boy in office uses windows minimise and maximise functionalities to the maximum..And see it so frequently...Like some cat..drinking milk...turning around..slurp..drink again...thats it.he assumes all the love of her is for him...Then the same night girl sends some of her favorite songs..the lyrics would say...everything is addressed to that boy..Boy is out of control now....he types messages more aggressively..as if time is limited and he has to tell so many things in a day...Girl receives messages..Only to add this boy to the already existing list...but girl is so intelligent she never stores any message...all the time sms count will be 1..that is "Sree Raghavendraya namaha"....This guy so innocently keeps on flooding the messages..beg friends for some senti messages...send them to touch her soul.....search internet for some messages which should reveal love but should not be I love you types....Send them...one by one...Boys are careless about their phones keypad isn't it?? For all these messages, girls reply would be a hmmmmm :).....Boy keeps on pumping the messages on to the GSM spectrum...like some mad dog has bitten him just before the monsoon....seeing her snap....pumping messages...waiting for her to go in bus...no food..no fun..joy is gone..completely taken away from her...Finally in office, bed, bike, road, market, theater, train..everywhere he is connected...Girl also slowly starts talking to him...daily..over phone..I dont know why..I found you cute of all...I miss you so much..I cant eat also....Even we spend so much time together..I cant live without you...I miss you..I will be waiting for morning to happen...And sends a second set of snaps..with subject like..Dont laugh I am not beautiful...See this one..See me wearing scarf..see me wearing chaddi..see me in ooty..see my sister..see my brother..See me and my friends in hotel..blah blah..!!! An innocent mind is completely captivated..and lured for this treasure....Then suddenly one day in bus, she touches him..sleeps on his shoulders...and I dont want to get into more details..They share everything..Boy gets madder day by day..one day all of a sudden..he sends Ilike you message..Girl also responds..Liek you too...Boy never understands this message..it means I am already liking other guy..besides I like you tooooooo...Guy thinks in a straight way....and after many months..sends Love you lots message..Girl sends love you too.....Then the messages will be full of words like Dear, sweetheart, love, like, hugs, kisses, mmmmmmmmmm etc........This continues until girl becomes serious about her marriage...this guy is being addicted...he announces to every one of his friend..i have my girl now..She messages me..she misses me..I dont think she can live without me..He slowly announces this to his family also...This guy is being drugged...more serious than cocaine or marijuana....more serious cases..because its about heart, soul and brain..

Now the girl becomes serious...No reply...No calls..No SMS.....please pa...leave me alone...But the guy keeps on troubling her...Who is faulty in this??????? guy or Girl..........once this phase comes when girl seriously thinks she was loving only her boyfriend with whom she has to get married and tries to get rid of all these boys.........The second case starts...

Second case:
-------------
Now the second case is more painful and not at all rosy as first case...Some sample shayaris to explain things...
khushi mili to has na sake,
gham mile to rona sake,
zndgi ka yahi dastur hai,
jise chahe use pa na sake,
jise paya use chah na sake...

Waqt guzarta raha par saansein thami thi,
muskura rahe the hum par aankhon mein nami thi,
saath humare ye jahan tha,
par na jaane kyun aapki kami thi.

hasarat hai to sirf usse paane ki,
aur koi khwasish nahi iss deewane ki,
shikwa muje usse nahi khuda se hai,
kya zarurat this mujhe usse milane ki

Mana teri nazar mein tera pyaar hum nahi,kaise kahen ki tere talabgaar hum nahi,
Khud ko jala ke khak kar dala, mita diya,lo ab tumhari raah mein dewaar hum nahi,Jis ko sanwara humne tamannaon ke khoon
se,gulshan mein us bahar ke haqdaar hum nahi, Dhokha diya hai khud ko muhobbat ke naam se,kaise kahen ki tere gunahgaar
hum nahi.....

Now boy sends 100 messages daily as usual..tries to plead her...asks her hey I am feeling very lonely now..why no message...hello ??...he tells I am dying here..The trauma the boy will be going through..like a drug addict have been denied of drugs..Boy cannot eat.he laughs with so much load on his lips..hHe ..i dont know what will that girl do with the messages..I have not seen or understood this second case very clearly...

yet to continue the stuffs of these painful days.....May be tomorrow...Second part is so exciting for the reader..keep peeing here...for more updates.

Beware before giving your heart to anyone......

Love,
Shashank

Hoping to live..Living on the hope...

First of all the karma thing is...Life is so depressing...I thought I will go in the rain...Like Ganesh in Mungaru male..Cry out...Feel lighter...Wash out my sins..Dilute the tears...God is so upset with me...Even it has stopped raining...No Monsoon this year...My mind is just like the sewage water.....So black..So stinky....So horrible....Just not able to write anything...its dirty..Like some oil sling on to the ocean water..

But I did not missed it out..When I went for a long drive with my friend on the sagar road from Shimoga...it was just so awesome...I had never seen a rain like that recently....Lush green..Cold breeze..scorpio blazing through that...Light music...It was so good..Only thing is I could not cry....

A human being with these many tensions should survive or not...education loan to be paid for 6 months, income tax to be filed, vehicle insurance pending, Dad not feeling well, sisters surgery in Bangalore, Go to office at 7:30 AM and come back at 11:30 PM...House construction, arrange everything for that from bricks to wood to stone, heart break, Love failure, Depression, a news that the girl who dumped me in my life 3 years ago delivered a baby boy.....someone elses marriage.my tears...two personal loans to be cleared..house loan not getting approved...Searching for political influence, going from this bank to that bank...like a beggar....No breakfast...no dinner sometimes..pressure on project....additional pressure that I am a contractor here in Infineon....Going to office on my bike..pulling the accelerator for 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the night...In all these, see girls photos my parents would send...decide on my life partner....when I dont know what my life is going to be tomorrow....Phew!!! These are only few....

I would have run away from this life...I thought all day ..all night..........

I remember one dialogue from jab we met...isse bhura aur kuch nahi ho saktha?? from now on if something can happen..it would be good...trying to be positive......Will tell you all when all these problems are solved...and I return back to peace...A world when I get up in the morning.....and try to live..........Hoping that would come fast...

As usual some scribbling....

Sometimes I wish I could just fade away
and forever leave this earth
I shed my tears as the day goes by
and in the night
only stars hear my cries
swiftly down my cheeks
my tears turn to blood
I cough and laugh and scream and cry
hoping my tears will go dry.
This pain I feel
it's in my chest and never goes away
I wait all night and through the day
but never does it fade.
I look into the mirror...
and wonder "Who am I?"
Am I the brave warrior they say I am
or should I go on and cry?
I put my hand onto my chest..
and I don't feel a thing
I think my heart skipped a beat
it doesn't dance or sing....
I take the phone from my side...
and throw it far away
I don't want to see your snap in that or ur old messages..
when you're not here day by day.
All I want is to hear that voice,
the one that keeps me calm,
the one that whispers softly
"I love you and stay strong...."

On these days of pain and loneliness, days of madness, days of sadness, my mind goes back
to one of those evening in which, under the infinite sky, I held you in my arms. Those thoughts give me hope and strength on these days of sorrow....I live to see it one day......

Love,
Shashank

My journey from NuremBerg to begaluru...

Hi,

Updating my blog in India..Bengaluru...So excited...Sitting in the 13th floor of Discoverer...what an achievement??

I should explain my air travel funda....I was so excited on the previous eve of my departure....The Wednesday 10th of June...It was raining heavily..It was as if the whole NurenBerg is bidding me alvida....Nurenberg is crying...as if it would miss me there...Sky had drawn raibows to bid me bye...trees singing song...River just to still and stagnant....As if it had stopped flowing to see me for the last time...I had hell lot of work..Was trying to finish early so that I have ample time to shop on the previous eve..Chocolates and stuffs like that...But I could not finish it....Phew..Ran to a chocolate shop and bought some 100 Euros chocolate and came back to room....The wave of excitement was pushed back by this work pressure....It vanished...I was continuously thinking about the project delivery on Monday....My mind was flooded with those thoughts....It was my first delivery and a major project checkpoint...I came back to room..WIth the help of Nagaraju and Rajkumar filled all the stuffs into my suitcase and a baggage...We literally struggled to stuff in everything...After all the packing..tried to lift the suitcase...I thought it was 28 Kgs..and the other bag 8 kgs max....Suspense starts now....the beginning of a horrible journey....We cooked aloo sambaar which was so horrible...But I just gulped some rice with it..All excited for the next days plane journey...Butterflies in my stomach...Swalpa excited..Swalpa mad.....phew!! Dozed off...Morning woke up at 6..Thursday 11th March...The D day....Plane was scheduled at 10 AM from NurenBerg ro Frankfurt and 12 PM from Frankfurt to Bengaluru....

We are all emotional fools isn't it?? All the time I was cursing my stay in Room no 361...in the Hotel Maximilian...Now all of a sudden I was so emotional about that room.The bathroom where I bathe..The Kitchen still carrying the marks of my ultimate cooking...The glasses...The plates..The TV..The Bed on which my countless tears have flown and the bed had absorbed all of them...Not to show them to me in the morning...Like some friend....The lamp under which I had written so many poems....Everything...It was painful suddenly to leave that place....The Room no 361..I thanked it for everything it gave me...FOr being with me in my lonely times..My eyes were a bit wet...WIth all these things the other part of my mind was bloody so excited....It was telling..Run Shashank Run..You are going to Bangalore.....I called every concerned people in my life with two calling cards and was excitedly shouting I am coming.I am coming..And finally left the room....Dragged the heaviest suitcase and a huge bag...a bag on my back and a laptop bag hanging loosely from my shoulders...It was drizzling a bit which is quite normal..I checked out from the hotel...And I was out...Out of all the janjat...Took a taxi to flugaphen(Airport)....Reached airport at around 8:30 AM...Came to check in point....Put my suitcase and the other check in trolley baggage on to the weighing machine....Unbelievably...it was 33 Lg + 15 Kg..Allowed is 20 Kg and 8 Kg Cabbin baggage..what next?? I was so petrified..So worried...a little tensed....I cant leave this things here and go..She said allowed is 20 Kgs..yours is 45 Kgs..So please pay 30 euros per kg as extra or leave the luggage here..I took 10 mins time to think....And I did not had money also....Just was so deserted at the airport...Finally made up my mind..I said I cant pay...500 Euros for this luggage..I am going back..Cancel my tickets....but she insisted if u come tomorrow also this problem would be there..And I told here I was coming for the first time.and had bought so many gifts to my family members..Thats the reason its so heavy..Please help..She was kind..She checked in my baggage only for 200 Euros...I was so grateful to her..And the luggage janjat was over.....So I came to the lounge and was waiting only to see the sky turning into ferociously black color...ANd all the planes halted for 30 mins...Shit!! I had a connecting flight from Frankfurt at 12 PM...If I am delayed..I would miss it..I was so worried...The attender there said they have informed the flight in Frankfurt and they woould wait for me..Finally I was coming back to Bangalore..The flight started...rolling on its tiny wheels...splashing the water on the run way....Engine ignited...Leaving out the trails of mirage on the air.....I was so happy..excited....phewwwwwwwww!! It was on air....flying slower than my heart pace.....My heart was beating faster than the engine piston...hmmm...With all the excitement I landed in Frankfurt at 11:50..and the flight to bangalore was scheduled be depart at 12...I was a terminal c..I had to run from A to c which was like running from Hebbal flyover to Vidhana Soudha..and in 10 mins..Still I ran like mad...Like kajol in DDLJ..all the time removing my clothes in advance for the security check..jumped.Hopped ...reached at 12 sharp....with a big question mark on my face....My face revealed it all...The flight attendant said....Sorry..u missed the flight..We announced ur name twice...SOrry...Thats it..My face was a rotten apple laid in a cow dung...I asked her what next??? the moment I completed this sentence...two other guys..one from Nokia..Hemang and other from Shobha Renaissance...came with their heart pumping to its maximum..Bang...a..lore...12..o;....phew...clock..flight...what??? she said u missed it sir...we all ran to an alternative ticket counter...where we all got a ticket to Dubai (Emirates) at 3:45 PM and from Dubai to Bengaluru at 4:45 AM (Dubai time)....shit....10 hours delayed....I was so sad ...We all went to a beer bar..and those guys started boozing.with noodles falling on one guys shirt..and some guy was telling the same story again...So in between drunkards..i was almost like a drunkard...with my body swaying...my mind not all happy...We were chatting there till 2:40...and the lasst check in time is 3 o clock for Emirates..This is called over acting...And we had to run again 5 Kms in 10 mins....We all were running like mad dogs....finally to reach terminal B..exactly on time..we being the last passengers....with a sigh of relief..I sat in 44G....after a minute..turned to my left to find a super model....Yes she was a super model...sooooooooooper looks and Dubai girl...In Emirates each seat would have a TV screen...And there will be 100 movies..1000 songs and latest hits..It was too good...all my worries were gone...I was thinking which and all movies I need to watch...With a list on my mind..Started watching Dostana...THough I was a bit embarassed to watch that movie in front of her...She was smiling at me...And my usual smile mixed with a tinge of shyness...Then I watched Billu(No Barber).....Then Valkyrie...(due to extreme interest in Hitler and Nazis these days)....And I did not even had a nap...She slept off for sometime...But she looked like some big time model..because all the air hostess...and a manager there..everyone were coming and asking her if she wants something..If she is feeling ok and all....one poor creature was sitting next to her and watching all these with its innocent face...its me...hee hee :)....So finally she decided to talk to me.....She said I cannot watch Dostana now..I always wanted to..Can you please tell me the entire story??...I was like..haah!! Dont mind when I use words like gay and all...she said its completely ok....you go ahead..And story telling..No one can beat me...I explained her bit by bit...SHe said..You tell in so much detail...amazingly..!! and all..with all the compliments..This time I knew when a girl praises someone she wants some favor...next the captains announcement..The flight is scheduled to land in Dubai in another 30 mins..Thats it...She took her ear rings...handed them to me..with a precaution, handle them carefully haah!!!....I just nodded like a kid...might be she was having fun...So many people played with my kid like nature.....and exploited it..............Then she took out her make up kit...all I could hear was phussssssssssssssssssssssss phussssssssssss sound of the spray....aroma of the perfumes...and her hair...Lip gloss smell....and foundation ..different colors..brick color, cream color..red color..pink color..that this...5 mins..She asked me her ear rings back..I turned left...To see..to see an angel kind of girl ..she was looking gorgeous...superb!!....Now I believe if someone uses makeup to enhance their beauty..its good....

Next stop..Dubai...We all got down in Dubai..She bid bye to me..and she was busy on call...She went off...I got down from plane to find the temperature to be 39 degrees....Where the Europes cool 4 -5 degrees and Dubais 39 degrees..Body was just feeling uneasy...discomfort...disarrayed...Went inside airport..DUbai Aiport the sick place on earth..where you can find more Indians than anywhere else..Every 3rd person is an Indian there...Tamil, Malayalam, Hindi...I could hear for them for the first time....crazy people with lungi..buying gifts in all the duty free shops..flooded with people..Like Big bazaar on a saturday evening...crazzy place..I had 8 hours of time in DUbai..I just slept somewhere on some chair..I was not getting sleep also....roamed around...but i was so restless.....From Dubai to Bangalore..it was such a horrible thing..Plane was full....I was last person in the last seat...near to kitchen...Hee hee :)..Again the movies...So was busy watching movies again...I was so happy once I was into Indian Ocean....phew!! If I die now..I will atleast die in Indian ocean...phew!!...Then had my breakfast ....was so eager..Plane was scheduled to arrive here at 9 AM.....Time was 8:30...Zoomed the TV camera in front of my screen to see the land below....In Emirates we have an option to watch the camera which is fixed onto the front and top of the plane..So was seeing bangalore through it..in the TV screen...The same dry dry land...patches of green....9 o lcok...tannnn!!! I was so excited...But bad luck again..The captain announces..." A bird is dead on the run way...we are landing in some time once we get green signal....Please relax..We have enough fuel on board..."..I was about to jump off...If i had a parachute..patience was running out..Finally without any announcement..I could see I am nearing land in the TV screen and it touched the Run way..dhadammm.....Over I am n Bangalore boss...I am here....I took my luggage...and came to a counter where there was a check for Swine flu.....From there..I came to luggage counter...where all suitcases were coming..But not my luggage..I waited..waited..the last bag was mine....Crack thing...SHit! i was so tensed...I had paid 250 Euros for my luggage....Finally I bid bye to Nokia manager and the one in Shobha Renaissance....and came out ..Just to find the temperature as hot as oven..and erratic traffic...noisy world...sweat..dust...people shouting..Brain took 1 hour to get adjusted..The ear drums strained to take this sound...Then I found one Meru Taxi wala..Finally I was heading home..WIth half sleepy..with mixed emotions....In these 3 months I had lost someone....Dont take the meaning dead...Someone close to me had moved out of my life...So I was recollecting all the good memories..and with so many things running in my mind....I was listening to drivers story..He was telling about him..When he came to bangalore 30 years back and all...But for me..It was just a hummmmm....Reached my room..kept all the luggages..just when I sighed..phew...A call from my manager..Urgent come to offfice..i took bath..and immediately set off to office in BMTC....wowo what a comeback???? Shit!!! From that day till date I have hardly been in house...Stupid life....I feel like I should go backto Shimoga as a lecturer and lead a calm life....I am so stressed out..I wanted to see my mother so badly..my dad....I am not able to go even to my home town...Finally leaving this weekend....I have been spending all my weekends at this sick place called ITPL....I hate this place...And commuting on a bike ..morning 2 hours in hot sun and evening 2 hours back home..I am so fed up with everything........Mad world......

Nothing is going right in my life....Everything is so scary for me....The whole world...the people....my very existence........All of a sudden I am feeling left out..i am feeling very lonely...Not even a single message on my phone...Luckily I have few friends who call me ..Else i would have died by now....

Still a lot more to update and a kavana....Keep watching this space...:)

And the thing which I wanted to take decision once I come back here...it was self-decisive and the it was not at all my decision..It was decisions decision....So the result is known now...

you were the sunshine of my day
You were the stars at night
you were the person I loved
until you drifted away
and broke my heart
So when I think of you now
you're the darkness at night
and rain in the day.

Love,
Shashank

The week that was not pleasant...

Hi,

I want to start With an update on the trip to Garmische trip. When we were in the peak for the first time, we met one American couple..who were pretty old...Around 60 Years....But they were so young at heart..It was one of the nice conversation I had recently with a people of different nationality. They were from Michigan..The Lake Michigan..They had come to Europe by flight and from there they had rented a car. Just by operating on GPS and the paper maps they wanted to cover entire Europe within 15 days...They were on a holiday for 15 days..Phew!! I was just awed by the energy they had...At their age, we would be not able to tour even our house...from bathroom to bedroom...:).....And how close they were....pulling each others legs in their conversation and laughing out loudly...Livng their life to the fullest....We all happened to meet there at the hill top with thick fog covered...With each others face barely visible....We all came down and introduced ourselves...Uncle was with one university from past 32 years ..(like college principal) teaching students until high school...Aunty was also with the same institution...Knowing we are Indians..He said he has the highest respect for Indians...The way we work..The hunger we have in ourselves to excel....He said in his university, all the bright students are Indians..and he feels the younger America is not fit for anything...they want to enjoy life....They take life so easy...All they want is a sagging jeans and a t-shirt and roam around in their car...I felt very proud..I just spoke about how Americans live in big big Villas even though they will be alone...how they waste food by dumping them in the huge huge refrigerators....how different it is in India and how conservative we are when it comes to expenses..The middle class attitude towards life...saving for tomorrow...anticipating something bad....They found that topic so relevant...and aunty was laughing they were also staying in some huge villa...on a lake side...where they can boat to lake Michigan from that small lake....We talked about all the places in Europe..It was a nice, warm chat for half an hour..And we all took the cable car down to Eibsee together.....They have so many places to visit..13 days more to go...they walked away holding each others hand....bidding bye to us..I just see them awed from far till they are gone out of sight...I was awed only for the love they had for each other....These days(the mobile zamaana), a person gets tired of loving a person for 2 years....They start telling, we have grown up..I dont see you the same way you were....realtions have changed..we have reached a new level .....blah blah!! For I believe love should spread on to ages....each day it should get intense...each day love should be loved in a different way.....not the days..not the distance should ruin the very word love....else its not love...its just a compromise.....a compromise to lust....Relationships take years to build and nurture and understand.Even the slightest deviation in the conduct as a code for the people concerned, results in grievous harm to it . No two people were the same or otherwise are the same, once they step into a similar brain. The practicality of all this may not be too appealing to all sections of society and for that an expression of disgust may enter the brian. But eventually all works out fine, provided your balance of attitude remains constant ; calm, tolerant and exuding good will.....But nowadays changing love or feelings is as easy as a prepaid number...It can be changed anytime...

With that, I am counting my days here ....to come back to India...I want to see my house being constructed ...The terrace is being laid now....I am so excited....When I was leaving to Germany, all there was a broken tiled house...I had this dream of constructing a good house and see my mother walking around in that.....without a wrinkle on her forehead of rain drops hitting her head....and the house being blown away in the wind...her sleep too...And my father sitting and reading newspaper without any worries on his shoulders...I hope I am a good kid..I hope they are happy about me....And I want this dream to be complete atleast.......Though many of my dreams lie shattered in my mind like my tiled house there...Even the mess is so much in my mind...huge pile...I cant clean it anymore..So walking with that mess....the dump...in my mind...Though its heavy....

Last weekend was IPL weekend, where I spent the whole two evenings on IPL....Had taken internet connection broadband WLAN just for that sake and was happy watching them sopcasted onto my laptop...Though the sopcast was delayed by 2 mins from the livecast..But I wanted to watch Kumble...I wanted to watch Dravid....These are the iconic people every youngster should follow....The dignity..The dedication..The humbleness..The Target..The Grit...The Patience...The Result....Not Ranbir Kapoor or some MTV roadie.....I was just so excited about the Finals....Royal challengers almost making there,,,,Kumble taking 4 wickets..And the score restricted to 148 ....Everything was dream....but we lost it...We lost it....:( I could not believe...BUt Yet I am proud of Royal Challengers ..they really have put up show as a team....except for Robin Utthappa....He is just not playing cricket anymore....atleast he did not try...I am sad for that...

And 3 days went just like that.....I was waiting so eagerly for 27th of May....The big match of UEFA cup...Barcelona Versus Manchester United.....I am a big fan of Barcelona...Messi...Xavi...Iniesta...I was just going crazy....Everyone in europe are crazy, mad about football..They can leave their jobs, wife and kids for the sake of it....SO every restaurant was telecasting the same on a big screen and with a beer.....Hope If I was a drunkard..I would have watched a match drinking a beer in a bierGarten.....and the whole city was pumped up for the action..I can see a Ronaldo in each ones face and Messi in some others...I was even excited...I support Barca for a noble cause..They are the only team who does not have a sponsor and the money they earn shall go to UNICEF...I was watching with so much tension inspite of having high fever...and tears rolling out of my eyes due to the high temperature...The first goal by ETO D...and the second goal by Messi....It was soooooooper thrilling....After the match I was so convinced that Barcelona won the match....Had a superb sleep galloping one paracetamol......

Two days went just like that in the office..and The long weekend..We had holiday on June 1st..my birthday....Saturday was my shopping day..Where I loaded my wallet with 300 Euros and set on a mission..with people list in my pocket..There were 18 entries..So..My aim was to strike off each entry buying something for them....Bought some stone necklaces and ear rings to my sisters...Sweaters to my nieces..Jackets to my brother-in-laws....I was so tired on that day...And I bought a very cute pearl thing and a ring in that shop..Thats for someone special who is going to come in my life..I will keep for her...Advanced buying haah :)....

Sunday , we had been to Franken Stadion where there was a football match of NurenBerg..We did not get any tickets though...BUt looking at the people and the craziness...I was so awed...And late in the afternoon I just relaxed at home watching movies...'ITalian job', 'Enemy at the gates', 'Home Alone', 'Finding Nemo', 'Shrek'....And was missing my friends so much..So so much......because it was going to be my Bday next morning....Lasst year my friends had given me a surprise visit at around 11:45 and we had cut cake and celebrated my Bday ..may be first time in my lifetime....That was so special.....I was missing them a lot...And Monday, my friend Anand was the first person to wish me...Followed by Teja..Aravind, Harsha and Latha....Then I had called my parents, sisters....And I did not keep a step out of my room that day....cooked some junk food and ate it.....So it was a sad sad Bday.....The song which I was listening was and was apt for the moment..

Kyun Kisi Ko Vafaa Ke Badle Vafaa Nahin Milti
Kyun Kisi Ko Duaa Ke Badle Duaa Nahin Milti
Kyun Kisi Ko Khushi Ke Badle Khushi Nahin Milti
Ye Pyaar Mein Kyun Hotaa Hai ..Ye Pyaar Mein Kyun Hotaa hai

Kyun Kisi Ko Vafaa Ke Badle Vafaa Nahin Milti..
Ishq Kitnaa Rulaaye Saari Duniyaa Bhulaaye
Beqaraari Badaaye
Chain Ek Pal Na Aaye
Log Ishq Mein Kyaa Se Kyaa Hue
Mil Gaye Kabhi Phir Judaa Hue
Bas Khizaan Mili Is Bahaar Mein Umr Kat Rahi Intazaar Mein..
Kyun Kisi Ko Hansi Ke Badle Hansi Nahin Milti
Kyun Kisi Ko Vafaa Ke Badle Vafaa Nahin Milti

Ye Pal Kahin Thahraa..Nahin Yaadon Pe To Pahraa ..
Nahin Jab Davaa Se Bhi Zakhm Na Bhare ..Aise Haal Mein Socho Koi Kyaa Kare
Kyun Kisi Ko Khushi Ke Badle Khushi Nahin Milti
Kyun Kisi Ko Vafaa Ke Badle Vafaa Nahin Milti
Ye Pyaar Mein Kyun Hotaa Hai Ye Pyaar Mein Kyun Hotaa Hai

The special day had gone just like that....And it was too normal to me.....So June 1st had gone on a sad note...So one more year of struggle...Since I have cried on a birthday.....Its sad
“ People are made to be loved and things are made to be used. The confusion arises in the world when “people are used and things are loved”.

I am struggling a lot to finish off my assignment which I have to before I come to India..So going late to room...its Europe or Mars..we Indians are Indians...Going late to home is our routine....:)...

Waiting for this weekend to get over..The next weekend I will be in Shimoga....Hope nothing like the Air France accident happens...where 250 people will be flying over the vast Atlantic ocean and suddenly they vanish..Wrecks falling on to the ice cold water....phew!! :(

And as usual my one poem:
========================
Kanninna ghaajina mele iruva kanassugalella..
Chooru chooragi kanna chucchutiralu...
kanna haniyondhu kannige saanthwaana needuvanthe moodidhe...

Idhe kannina ghaajina mele iruvaa ninna pratibimbha.
kanna terevaa kshanadalella chandrananthe udayisi...
Adhara beladingalaaa belakinalli naa nadeyuthiddhe......

Kannadiyelli indhu moodidha nanna pratibimbave nanna aatmeeya..
naa aluvaaga thaanu nondhu atthu..
nanna kanna haniya jaadannu thaanu hididhu...
nanna appikondu nintidhe...

One more:
=========

There are sometimes when I don't want to see you

There are sometimes when I don't feel like talking to you

There are moments where I feel like choking you

After all those times you made me cry.

Because you made me suffer for a long time.

When all my wounds were healed, you had to
come and open them apart.

So thanks to you, I have a broken heart.

So please, stop coming along because next time
I'm going to rip you apart.

one more:
==========
Thu khudaa hai meraa, meraa imaan hai
ishq karnaa teraa mujhpe ehsaan hai
tu subah kaa ujaalaa mere vaaste
tu mere vaaste dilnashin shaam hai
tere dil mein Thikaanaa rahe umr bhar
phir kisi aashiyaane ki parvaah nahin
aye meri zindagi tu mere saath hai



Love,
Shashank