The days of terrible pain..The days of heart getting separated from body..

Updating my blog after such a long long time..Have got lots to say....Lot of things happened..few I can mention...Few will remain forever with me in the graveyard...

I have named by blog aptly...I believe..The days when heart gets separated from body...The pain....Its really worth experiencing....Thanks for the girl who made me witness this pain in this lifetime...


haah one of my creation:
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Maradha tumbella Hasiru haradi , preethiya tangaali yelli haayagi iruvanthe...Besigeya bisi bisi bege preethiyannu sudalendhe jhalisidhaaga....Iniyanadha maravu shakti kaledhukondeethendhu eleyu thanna iniyanige praana samarpisi...Thannanne apriskondithu....Nelakke biddha eleyu thaanu kshitisi mannali berethu sathvavaagi..Mathe maravanne seri...Preethiya chaitanyavaagi maradalli mathe haridhu...Olavina vasantha moodisidhe......Antheye naa yene aadharu, enthe iddharu nanneee usiru olavu ella ninage samarpitha....yaava roopadalladharu nannee hrudaya ninanne bayassuthadhe...ninagaage badiyuthadhe...Ninnee preethiyalli naa madidhu mannannu seridharu , hoovaagi arali ninna mudiyannu seruva hambala...illave nee nadiva haadhiyalli hullaagi ninna paadha dadiyelli ninage novagadanthe kaapaduva hambala...Nannee preethiyu nishkalanka..nirmala..



Today I want to explain few things about love and how girl reacts in two cases.

First case:
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First day we see each other...we greet each other with a smile...Hi.my name is blah blah..girls says sweetly but a bit seriously..hi I am blah blah....thats it...that day boy cannot do anything..wanting for more..wanting to get into the belly of conversation..the boy will be dying..,For Girl, yes a new follower is added to my ever growing list..I am the supreme..I am the soooooper cool girl...with her linked list of boys without terminated by NULL...In one interview someone asked me..can you give me a linked list example with out a NULL at the end..my answer was the same...for which I was not selected in the interview..:)...So next day..the girl is getting bored on her way to office or at office...a mail comes...Hi....Boy is gone..boy is floored...with all the hopes put onto a lamp like the olympics one..he ignites his love story...The olympics starts here....The race between life and death..the race where there are competitors , spectators, critics..and the trophy itself(the girl)......Boy replies back with all the respect..Hi, have u watched movie Mungaaru male..I love all the songs in it..especially...the title track ..Mungaaru male...Oh my god allwa ree...Girls reply within milliseconds..Yes ree..its an awesome song...Do you have lyrics for that?? Boy without realising his life is going to be like that one day..sends the lyrics and discuss how painful that song is and all...story continues..next day while replying to the 100th mail in that mail chain..can I have your mobile number will be saddist guys question? for which girl already would have stored a reply in draft..yes take it..its 99********...Boy joins gym..starts pumping up his muscles...Start buying new clothes...to impress...even girl would be doing the same on the other end..buying some good stuffs to show off to that guy...The sad story starts....chain khoya..neendh khoya...and khoya khoya...So he stops eating...he stops sleeping..he cant do anything..While riding bike he would be missing the text messages which will be vibrating with all the force inside his pant...Reminding him of the girls face projected on to the helmet screen..He stops somewhere..replies to one of them..Miss you karke, want to see you and all...The whole life becomes a concentration camp..where he is dying to get something..which he should not get...He keeps on messaging..Girl sends her first snap to his personal mail Id..Boy in office uses windows minimise and maximise functionalities to the maximum..And see it so frequently...Like some cat..drinking milk...turning around..slurp..drink again...thats it.he assumes all the love of her is for him...Then the same night girl sends some of her favorite songs..the lyrics would say...everything is addressed to that boy..Boy is out of control now....he types messages more aggressively..as if time is limited and he has to tell so many things in a day...Girl receives messages..Only to add this boy to the already existing list...but girl is so intelligent she never stores any message...all the time sms count will be 1..that is "Sree Raghavendraya namaha"....This guy so innocently keeps on flooding the messages..beg friends for some senti messages...send them to touch her soul.....search internet for some messages which should reveal love but should not be I love you types....Send them...one by one...Boys are careless about their phones keypad isn't it?? For all these messages, girls reply would be a hmmmmm :).....Boy keeps on pumping the messages on to the GSM spectrum...like some mad dog has bitten him just before the monsoon....seeing her snap....pumping messages...waiting for her to go in bus...no food..no fun..joy is gone..completely taken away from her...Finally in office, bed, bike, road, market, theater, train..everywhere he is connected...Girl also slowly starts talking to him...daily..over phone..I dont know why..I found you cute of all...I miss you so much..I cant eat also....Even we spend so much time together..I cant live without you...I miss you..I will be waiting for morning to happen...And sends a second set of snaps..with subject like..Dont laugh I am not beautiful...See this one..See me wearing scarf..see me wearing chaddi..see me in ooty..see my sister..see my brother..See me and my friends in hotel..blah blah..!!! An innocent mind is completely captivated..and lured for this treasure....Then suddenly one day in bus, she touches him..sleeps on his shoulders...and I dont want to get into more details..They share everything..Boy gets madder day by day..one day all of a sudden..he sends Ilike you message..Girl also responds..Liek you too...Boy never understands this message..it means I am already liking other guy..besides I like you tooooooo...Guy thinks in a straight way....and after many months..sends Love you lots message..Girl sends love you too.....Then the messages will be full of words like Dear, sweetheart, love, like, hugs, kisses, mmmmmmmmmm etc........This continues until girl becomes serious about her marriage...this guy is being addicted...he announces to every one of his friend..i have my girl now..She messages me..she misses me..I dont think she can live without me..He slowly announces this to his family also...This guy is being drugged...more serious than cocaine or marijuana....more serious cases..because its about heart, soul and brain..

Now the girl becomes serious...No reply...No calls..No SMS.....please pa...leave me alone...But the guy keeps on troubling her...Who is faulty in this??????? guy or Girl..........once this phase comes when girl seriously thinks she was loving only her boyfriend with whom she has to get married and tries to get rid of all these boys.........The second case starts...

Second case:
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Now the second case is more painful and not at all rosy as first case...Some sample shayaris to explain things...
khushi mili to has na sake,
gham mile to rona sake,
zndgi ka yahi dastur hai,
jise chahe use pa na sake,
jise paya use chah na sake...

Waqt guzarta raha par saansein thami thi,
muskura rahe the hum par aankhon mein nami thi,
saath humare ye jahan tha,
par na jaane kyun aapki kami thi.

hasarat hai to sirf usse paane ki,
aur koi khwasish nahi iss deewane ki,
shikwa muje usse nahi khuda se hai,
kya zarurat this mujhe usse milane ki

Mana teri nazar mein tera pyaar hum nahi,kaise kahen ki tere talabgaar hum nahi,
Khud ko jala ke khak kar dala, mita diya,lo ab tumhari raah mein dewaar hum nahi,Jis ko sanwara humne tamannaon ke khoon
se,gulshan mein us bahar ke haqdaar hum nahi, Dhokha diya hai khud ko muhobbat ke naam se,kaise kahen ki tere gunahgaar
hum nahi.....

Now boy sends 100 messages daily as usual..tries to plead her...asks her hey I am feeling very lonely now..why no message...hello ??...he tells I am dying here..The trauma the boy will be going through..like a drug addict have been denied of drugs..Boy cannot eat.he laughs with so much load on his lips..hHe ..i dont know what will that girl do with the messages..I have not seen or understood this second case very clearly...

yet to continue the stuffs of these painful days.....May be tomorrow...Second part is so exciting for the reader..keep peeing here...for more updates.

Beware before giving your heart to anyone......

Love,
Shashank

Hoping to live..Living on the hope...

First of all the karma thing is...Life is so depressing...I thought I will go in the rain...Like Ganesh in Mungaru male..Cry out...Feel lighter...Wash out my sins..Dilute the tears...God is so upset with me...Even it has stopped raining...No Monsoon this year...My mind is just like the sewage water.....So black..So stinky....So horrible....Just not able to write anything...its dirty..Like some oil sling on to the ocean water..

But I did not missed it out..When I went for a long drive with my friend on the sagar road from Shimoga...it was just so awesome...I had never seen a rain like that recently....Lush green..Cold breeze..scorpio blazing through that...Light music...It was so good..Only thing is I could not cry....

A human being with these many tensions should survive or not...education loan to be paid for 6 months, income tax to be filed, vehicle insurance pending, Dad not feeling well, sisters surgery in Bangalore, Go to office at 7:30 AM and come back at 11:30 PM...House construction, arrange everything for that from bricks to wood to stone, heart break, Love failure, Depression, a news that the girl who dumped me in my life 3 years ago delivered a baby boy.....someone elses marriage.my tears...two personal loans to be cleared..house loan not getting approved...Searching for political influence, going from this bank to that bank...like a beggar....No breakfast...no dinner sometimes..pressure on project....additional pressure that I am a contractor here in Infineon....Going to office on my bike..pulling the accelerator for 2 hours in the morning and 2 hours in the night...In all these, see girls photos my parents would send...decide on my life partner....when I dont know what my life is going to be tomorrow....Phew!!! These are only few....

I would have run away from this life...I thought all day ..all night..........

I remember one dialogue from jab we met...isse bhura aur kuch nahi ho saktha?? from now on if something can happen..it would be good...trying to be positive......Will tell you all when all these problems are solved...and I return back to peace...A world when I get up in the morning.....and try to live..........Hoping that would come fast...

As usual some scribbling....

Sometimes I wish I could just fade away
and forever leave this earth
I shed my tears as the day goes by
and in the night
only stars hear my cries
swiftly down my cheeks
my tears turn to blood
I cough and laugh and scream and cry
hoping my tears will go dry.
This pain I feel
it's in my chest and never goes away
I wait all night and through the day
but never does it fade.
I look into the mirror...
and wonder "Who am I?"
Am I the brave warrior they say I am
or should I go on and cry?
I put my hand onto my chest..
and I don't feel a thing
I think my heart skipped a beat
it doesn't dance or sing....
I take the phone from my side...
and throw it far away
I don't want to see your snap in that or ur old messages..
when you're not here day by day.
All I want is to hear that voice,
the one that keeps me calm,
the one that whispers softly
"I love you and stay strong...."

On these days of pain and loneliness, days of madness, days of sadness, my mind goes back
to one of those evening in which, under the infinite sky, I held you in my arms. Those thoughts give me hope and strength on these days of sorrow....I live to see it one day......

Love,
Shashank